By YuirinMaze || Sabtu, 26 November 2011 on 12:18
Am I Too Honest?
If I don't really like someone, I will express it clearly.
So that's why i don't have many friends.
I always tell my friends what i don't like about them.
I know I am very tainted and have many flaws myself but i can't help it.
They're a bit ignorant.
I always try to accept them, and I always try to understand them.
I lied about what I truly like.
I say `I like it!` to the ones whom I hate.
I always go hyper around people.
When my nature is quietness and relaxed atmosphere.
I want to be accepted in this arranged society.
But I know I can't.
Don't you know that I am tired?
If you don't want to talk with me, to play with me, why do you do that?
I hate those ignorant people who thought that the world revolves around them.
I hate myself who can't be honest even to my heart.
I can't say what I truly like without thinking how society will accept me.
Recently, I am really angry with my friends. (still)
I try to tell them but i am afraid. Yes, I am that coward.
And then, I try to become distant.
But out of many things I can't bear, I hate loneliness the most.
Today, I tell my friend about my feelings.
She told me,
You befriended someone based on the benefical situation you can get from them.
Yeah, it is true.
I think with my logical and rational mind.
I have a dirty heart.
I am selfish. I only think about myself.
I keep my stories to myself. I never spilled it to anyone. Not even my so called friends. I have always been demanding about their story, I say I want to understand them better, and I want to help them. I want to enter their world.
But in reality, I always complain that their stories are boring, I can't find the happiness that I seek, I can't find the fun that I desire.
I always lie about my stories, even in non-related fandom.
I force my self to believe that i like those things. And it hurts. Both physically and mentally to the point i want to puke all everything out in one go.
What a big lie.
No one knows about this.
After reading all these non sense, do you think you will stay as my friends?
It's miracle for you to do that, I am positive.
ps. I watched TinTin today and the animation is really nice and fluid, looks like real things..
Label: about me, aneh, cerita, ga penting, updates
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Andita Nurseptiani Lukman but just call me Andita.
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